Twisted Fun
by Jade Ellenora Ice
Summary: ADULT. This story is about a wellknown beater who goes to one of Lucius Malfoy's parties... she doesn't leave with the rest of the guests. This is a tale about a woman who learns exactly how twisted a man's mind can be.
1. Chapter 1

"Merlin's beard!" The broom took out a stack of books, ink bottles, and several quills as it skidded over the top of the desk. It had been chucked there by none other than Audra Lynne Jeffers, a very popular beater for the Scorchers. At five foot four inches, one hundred and fifteen pounds, the raven-haired, green-eyed nineteen year-old was usually quite calm and polite. This was not a usual situation.

"Blasted dirty cheating scumbags! We should have WON this game! WON!" Her fingers dug into her hips as she paced the room. They had just finished playing against the Brazillian Basilisks, another reserve team in their division, and had lost by only ten points. The final score had been 170 Basilisks, 160 Scorchers, and what a horribly thick game it had been. Even now, the rage of each unfair call by the referee boiled up her throat, the pure hatred of the dirty tactics the opposing team had used.

Audra threw herself backwards onto the Inn's dusty bed, letting her arms and hair flop around where they wanted. Her chest heaved up and down in slowing rhythm as she lay with her eyes closed, her mind focusing on nicer things to calm her down. She thought of her favorite candies, sitting on a sun-soaked shore, her favorite stuffed animal, and her cozy apartment which waited for her.

It took several minutes, but calm was eventually restored. Her eyes opened to stare at the ceiling, her thoughts floating to tonight's dinner. The team would arrive dejectedly to the table; indeed it would be more like the feast at a funeral. Custorde would make his usual smart-ass remarks about their flying capabilities and how they needed to train more; Jurmard would of course pass everything off with jokes... Just another dinner to celebrate how bad their team was. Why had she chosen to join it? They were losers, all of them. Not one contained enough fighting spirit or belief that they could win to actually win. Always close, but once they took the lead or tied or came close to the opponent's score, they began with their mistakes.

Why had she joined? She had been young, full of spirit; she had believed she could change the team's attitude. The Scorchers had not won for a hundred and fourteen years. This would be the hundred and fifteenth that they hadn't won a single game. She felt the anger rise up in her stomach; this time, however, it was directed at her own teammates. Why must they take losing so seriously? Always blaming it on a curse or on luck. What a bunch of hippocrite losers! Always saying they're trying their best, keeping their minds and hearts in the right places... And then they lose and blame it on a curse because it's the easy way out! She was fed up; there would be no more taking the easy way out. She would speak to Aidan Matthews, the owner of their team. She would be the new captain if she had anything to say about it.

Just then the bell for dinner sounded, bringing her back to the present. She hadn't realized how long she had spent brewing. After quickly changing into clean, comfortable robes and spritzing on some of her favorite scent, she sprinted down to the diningroom.

Already things were in an uproar. Custorde, the current team captain, had seemingly gone completely mad. His face was the color of a fresh apple, his mouth opening and closing wildly as he shouted obscenities at the rest of his teammates gathered at the table. She had just tried to sneak back around the corner, out of sight, when he rounded on her.

"YOU! WHY didn't you hit those bludgers at the other team like I told you to?! You are the WORST beater I've ever-"

"Wrong! WRONG, WRONG WRONG!" Her fists were balled at her sides, nails digging into palms. Her feet set themselves shoulder-width apart, and she stood as though ready for war. "MAYBE if you'd stop blaming the rest of your teammates you'd see that you were JUST AS MUCH AT FAULT!" Custorde's mouth opened and closed silently; she had never yelled at him before. She didn't quite care about his shock, at the moment, and pressed on, "This ENTIRE TEAM needs to shape up! I could have joined practically ANY FUCKING team I wanted to, but I joined YOU! Why? WHY! I KEEP WONDERING!"

She raged forward and pointed a stiff, accusing finger at each player in turn. "CUSTORDE! You are the lousiest chaser I have EVER SEEN. You refuse to take hints and help, instead choosing to listen to your own inexperienced childish ass! JURMARD! You have excellent potential but instead of learning, you choose to let THIS ASSHOLE," the finger flicked towards Custorde, "tell you what to do! HE IS NOT A BEATER NOR DOES HE KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT!"

She glared next at a short, chubby oaf named Jeremiah. "BOWES! You don't even do your JOB, for Merlin's sake! You're the SEEKER. You're supposed to SEEK. Instead you dart around watching the match like a special audience, wondering about when we're going to eat next!" The cookie in his hand immediately dropped to the floor.

"AND YOU CHASERS!" She reared lastly at the huddled wizards and witch against the wall. "REDMAR! JONSE! MUNKE! You couldn't play with the team in slow-mode! I SWEAR!"

She stepped back until her back was against the opposite wall, and took them in all at once. They all stood with their mouths open wide, expressions of pure shock and disbelief painted all over their now-pale skin. She debated for less than a second, and decided to finish them off, "There is NO curse, we do NOT have bad luck. We simply have a team of people who INSIST on losing and then blaming it on evil magic! STOP TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT AND GROW SOME BACKBONE!"

She strode out the door feeling a hundred times better, though she didn't let a smirk touch her lips until she was outside and under a nearby tree. It was sunset, and a glorious one at that. Brilliant shades of orange, yellow and pink tinged and faded into lilac, violet, indigo, and then deep bluish black punctuated by sparkling sky-diamonds. That's what her father had always called them, stars: sky-diamonds. He used to tell her he'd gotten some for her mother on the night before their wedding. The thought of her mother brought tears to her eyes; it'd been four years since she passed away, but Audra still missed her terribly. Her father seemed to be holding up well, but Audra knew otherwise.

"Quite a scene in there. I think the most silent dinner ever in the history of dinners is taking place right in that diningroom."

Audra felt a pang in her stomach; she didn't know from Aidan's tone whether her actions were good or bad. She swallowed heavily and winced as she peered around at him. He was wearing a half-serious smirk, like he didn't know whether to laugh at her or kill her. She preferred the former.

"Aidan... I-"

"They needed that, I think."

"Then you aren't-"

"No, of course not. You're the best beater anyone's ever seen. I still wonder why you joined the Scorchers. You could have been on the reserve team for Ireland or Bulgaria. I just thought I got lucky, that you'd find out you made a terrible mistake... " He cleared his throat, staring at the ground, "You know, you can-"

"I don't want to. I'd rather become captain."

He stared at her as if she'd turned purple and glowed green. "What?"

"I want to become captain of the team," she said more forcefully. "This team has oodles of potential. They are just much too dense to realize it. Give me two months with them. Two months. If I can't change them around, I'll give Custorde his old job back."

He eyed her suspiciously, "And then you'll leave?"

"I'll stay until the end of the season."

"How do I know you're capable?"

"Come on, you dolt. I'm more capable than any of them in there."

He slowly nodded, "Alright... You start tomorrow." 


	2. Chapter 2

She lay in her own bed, reminiscing about the week. At first they had been angry, indignant, even ignored her... but when they saw she meant business, and meant to stick to it... She remembered her first speech as captain; how they looked at her out of eyes squinting with rage, how they shot back sarcastic remarks at every chance... She hadn't let them get their way, however. She finished her speech and then shot right into the practice. With all the difficulties brought forth by her team, they were forced to redo routines multiple times. The practice lasted eight hours. In the end, they had given in. Worn out, beaten down, they had gone through the routines perfectly. She had truly become their captain.

They had practiced all week long; three hour practices placed at random times. They had to learn to play at any time, in any weather. Yesterday, Thursday, had been especially brutal. The rain had been so thick, one couldn't see more than five feet away. The wind was enough to knock over a full grown giant. They had asked to go inside, practice later. She had refused. They must learn, and learn they did. By the time practice was over, even Jeremiah had done well. He'd found the snitch and caught it with difficulties. She found this quite amazing, especially for him. Today's practice, she had eased off. She began with a speech commending them for yesterday's performance. They seemed quite proud of themselves, and she encouraged it. They spent the afternoon going through their routines, learning new ones, creating new ones, and making jokes. Tonight's dinner had gone a whole lot better than last week's. And tomorrow they had a game.

She sighed loudly, letting out some of the jitters that were flitting around in her tummy. Her first game as captain. Would they be able to do it? Had she really gotten things on the right track? Or maybe she was just silly. Only a week; there's no way they could pull themselves together that fast. Another sigh disturbed the quiet, this one louder and more anxious than the last. She felt more anxious than she had ever felt before. "Please let them win... please let them win..." She whispered this mantra over and over until, eventually, she fell asleep.

Thundering, loud and heavy, pulled her unwantingly from her sleep. She hadn't been dreaming, that she could remember, but she felt instinctively that it was better than whatever today would bring her. Another heavy roll of thunder... or was it thunder? She sat straight up in bed, staring at the door. The noise came again, but she realized it was the pounding of fists on her door. "Get up! Get up, you sleeping git!"

Her forehead pursed as she got up from the bed and went to open her bedroom door.

"About time! Merlin! I've been bangin' on here for the last ten minutes!" Jurmard, a tall black wizard with handsome features and a muscular build, stood with a grin on his face.

"It's only," she glanced down at her watch, "seven o'clock in the morning! I wanted to sleep in."

"We've got a surprise for you. Come on." He steered her, in her nightgown, right through her apartment and then straight outside. She had to squint through the bright sunlight at the figures standing in the lawn, but soon they came into focus. Her team stood with a banner reading 'We can do it thanks to you!'. Bowes held up a cake.

She looked around at them all, shocked. Heathers, Wilihand, and Boots, the chasers, stood in their normal grouping in the center, holding the banner. Bowes was on their left, and Custorde was on their right. She noticed he didn't share the wide grin his fellow teammates wore; instead, he wore a deep scowl which suggested he didn't think all this neccesary. He, she knew, never recieved so much as a thank you card. This made her smile even wider.

"Thanks, thank you so much! I'm quite shocked!" At her words, they all cheered and paraded inside for cake.  
X The roar of the crowd could be heard through the stone walls of the locker room. The other team, the Red Ridgebacks, had just arrived on the field.

"Alright, guys! We've practiced and practiced! You know your routines! I'm very proud of how far you've come this week. I know we have what it takes to win, so let's get out there and win win win!" They roard to life and ran out the doorway, all except Custorde. He hung back to talk to Audra.

His expression was far from friendly, "Think you're the new star, eh? Think you can do what I couldn't, eh!"

She glared at him, "I've already done what you couldn't. Now get out on the field and get playing!"

"You may have bewitched them, but I see right through you. You're just using them for your own fame! Once you get this team moving, you'll move on to the next best team."

Her head shook back and forth slowly as she growled, "You are absolutely the biggest dolt I have ever seen. Get your ass out on that field!" With that, she marched out to follow her team, fuming about how big of an idiot he was. She would have to trade him. He would not work with them at all.

Once all the members of each team had gathered in the center, the referee went over the rules. Audra sensed her team was a bit on edge, but only slightly so. They were giving the opposing team, the Grims, threatening stares as if daring them to win. This was large improvement over their previous actions. The Chasers would be whispering amongst themselves, Custorde would be giving his team warning looks, Jurmard would be wringing his hands and muttering to himself, and Bowes would be picking his nose while off in another world. Audra smiled to herself; they had a very good chance this time.

At the sound of the whistle, they all left the ground and bustled to do their thing. Audra immediately struck a bludger at one of the chasers of the other team which successfully made contact with his left foot; by the look on his face it was fractured if not broken. Not pausing to congratulate herself, she raced around to place herself for the next slam. While getting herself in line to smack one away from Bowes, she glanced around to check on her team. They seemed to be doing quite well. Better, in fact, than they had ever functioned under Custorde. Beaming to herself, she whammed the oncoming bludger full-strength and raced on, losing herself in the game.

"Jonse to Redmar to Jonse to Munke to Redmar-SCOOORE BY REDMARRRRR!" A roar from the crowd was covered by further commentary, "The Grims are now in posession. Kellie to Robertson to Kellie- oop! Watch those bludgers! Kellie has passed to Robertson, and he's going in for the score... Oh, no! Blocked!"

The boo's from the Grims's supporters were almost drowned out by the cheers from the miniscule crowd supporting the Scorchers. "Munke to Jonse, Jonse does a nice turnabout to confuse Kellie. Jonse heaves the quaffle at Redmar, who's going in for the scorrrree... MERLIN'S BEARD! They ARE getting lucky today, aren't they folks! Scorchers are now leading twenty to zero."

Audra paused to smack a bludger away from Munke, before shouting happily, "WAY TO GO, SCORCHERS! I'M SO PROUD!"

Bowes, who had been searching for the snitch for once, turned to give her a thumbs up. In mid-motion, however, he paused. He gaped. He shot straight at Audra with a determined look.

She froze, "What are you DOING?!"

He was just about to collide into her when she swiftly dodged sideways, and she aimed another blow at a bludger going past her; as she did so, she angrily shouted, "HEY! BOWES! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Suddenly a roaring overtook the stadium like she had never heard before. She paused to listen to the commentary, and almost fell off her broom.

"-THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! First game won in 114 years! Bowes has caught the snitch! The Scorchers have won the game!"

Everything blurred out then; Audra was in shock. She had done it. She had turned around the team, and in a week, no less. The sound of the crowd was more than deafening. Anyone within earshot would be looking around for a dragon, she thought clumsily. Hands were on her back, lifting her up; confetti showered them all, hiding much of the crowd from view. Cameras were flashing, reporters shouting uneffectively over the din of the stadium, and suddenly she was in the locker room, being put gently down onto a bench. More hands slapped her back, and a glass of honey whiskey was placed in her hand, which she sipped gratefully. She forced herself to focus.

"Holy shit, mate! We did it!" Munkey was shouting and giggling and carrying on like a school girl. She was twenty-four, and hadn't been a school girl for a very long time. The other two chasers were on either side of her, hugging her and giggling as well.

Jamard was grinning from ear to ear, "Hell yes we did it! It looks like the Scorchers have broken the curse! Too bad a girl had to do it, though." He aimed a wink at Audra, who found herself grinning and nodding.

"That's right! This just proves it takes a woman to do things the right way." A minute of laughter filled the small room and echoed off its bare walls, and then Audra continued, "Seriously, though. You guys were all excellent, tonight! Brilliant! You all played very, very well! I'm proud of all of you, you've all come very far in a very short time. I can't express in words how great I'm feeling right now, how proud you make me feel to be a part of your team. You're all excellent; oh hell! Group hug!"

They squeezed together enthusiastically, all except two people. Audra noticed that Bowes and Custorde were hanging back. Bowes was sitting in shock, still holding the snitch in his hand and staring at it as if afraid to look away. Custorde was staring into his open locker, a frown upoon his face. She sighed inwardly, and chose to go with Bowes first.

"I'm truly very proud of you, you know. We wouldn't have won without you." Sitting down next to him on the bench, she put a hand on his shoulder.

"I... I did it. Did I really do it? Will I be able to do it again?"

She giggled and gave his arm a squeeze, "Of course! You had it in you all along. And, Bowes?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to hold it, it will stay where you put it. Seekers get to keep their snitches."

"Oh... right..."

She noticed that he stuck it carefully in a clean sock and put it in his pocket instead, as she walked away towards Custorde. He was determined not to look at her, and so she leaned against the lockers next to him, waiting. The response he finally gave was not what she was expecting. She thought he would give a dirty comment, a glare, an attempt to fight; instead, his frown softened to one of sadness.

"I am a failure." He said it low, hiding it in the noise created from the rest of the team's celebrations. "I could never get things right."

"Nah... don't fret yourself too badly. You make a damn good keeper, that was a pretty nasty save you made. Not everyone is cut out for captain, but I think you have great potential..." she trailed off, thinking to herself. With a small smile, she looked him straight in the eye, "I'm really sorry, Custorde. I really don't know what to say, except that I never wanted to show you up, or prove anything to anyone. Except maybe prove to you guys there is no curse." She smiled and laughed a little.

To her joy, he returned the smile, "You're half-right. There is no curse now, but there was."

A deafening bang popped rudely against Audra's ears, and she turned to see who had bounded into the changing room. Aidan stood holding three bottles of Chardote's Champaign in the air with his wand, "Who's for celebrating?"

The response was earth-shaking. 


End file.
